Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Black is for mourning and blue is my mood

This feels worse than it should.

Or in the words of Kevin Federline:
Fuck. Shit. Shit. Fuck. Damn. Fuck. Fuck. Shit. Shit. Fuck.

I can breathe more easily now. Feeling better.
One last time. Fuck.

When I found myself sniffing with the start of (yet another) cold yesterday, I thought it would be the worst thing that was going to happen this week. But I reckoned without my splendid ill-luck. As it happens, the searing headaches and the bitter taste and blocked nose were nothing compared to the shock I got today at dance class.

Right at the end, Gaurav sat us all down, and with the air of one relaying a somewhat important but rather boring piece of news, told us that our batch was being cancelled for the workshop, and that we’d have to enrol in other batches until after the workshop stage performance (in July).

His announcement was met by stunned silence, and then loud protests. Which he promptly cut short. He seemed either embarrassed or annoyed by the protests.

That was when I realized I was getting teary. I just never knew I’d come to depend so much on seeing him twice a week. And now the thought that I won’t get to see his sudden smiles or hear his insanely stupid jokes for another two months was causing a surprising amount of heartburn.

The really sad part is that he doesn't even seem to care all that much. Oh, he did mention a couple of platitudes about missing our batch, and looking forward to teaching us after the workshop, but you could see his heart wasn't in it. At least not as much as our hearts were*. And he still has his elementary and BE batches. Which I'm sure must be a lot more fun for him to teach, since they aren't lowly beginners.

But dance is dance and even if it's not the same without him, it'll still be fun ....I guess. Maybe. Possibly.

My only question is: Why Gaurav's batch? Why not the other instructors - Deepashri, Isha, or Prince, when Gaurav is clearly the best and the most experienced instructor at the centre?

I worked off most of the initial indignation I felt with the verbal diarrhoea that I was spewing all the way back from class**. Now I'm just very, very sad.

Black and blue.


*Quite a few people begged him again and again to stay, but I suppose what the Office decides, the Office decides.
** the recipient was Ankita, who isn't very used to my foul mouth. But who really cares about that? Who cares about anything anymore?


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Feeling blue
When I'm trying to forget the feeling that I miss you
Feeling green
When the jealousy swells and it won't go away in dreams
[…]
Feeling jaded,
When it's not gone right
All the colours have faded - then I feel your eyes on me
Feeling fine, sublime,
When that smile of yours creeps into my mind

- Colour Blind, Darius
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